Have you ever been ocnfused as to what to pray for? I have been lately. not so much as how to pray, but what the content that I pray for be. My son has been struggling with seizures, some pretty severe. It is a scary thing to watch, and that is all you can do, watch, you can't fix it, you can't stop it, you have to get through it. So do I pray, "God please let Isaac be free of seizures?" What if it is not God's will for him to be free of seizures, do I have a right to pray for that? I am not sure. I have spent plenty of breathing asking god to not let it happen again, but then it does. Am I wasting my breath?
As I was on the way to the hospital for the latest episode, I was praying to God, "God I am not sure what to pray for here. Can I change your mind if you are set on doing something that I don't like?" Can I selfishly pray against the will and wisdom of an infinitely greater God? If not what do I pray for then? I am fully confident that I am in his hands and he knows best. But as Isaac lay on the table having a seizure, honestly, i have never been so nervous to be in God's hands. What if God deems it best to take him? He did last time with my son Elijah. Can I pray against that? Can I change God's mind?
Many people get mad at God when tragedy comes because they think it is his "job" to not let tragedy happen. But it is not. Jesus actually promises the opposite. In John 16:33 Jesus says, "here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. but take heart I have overcome the world." I am not one of those people who expect God to make life easy and keep me clear of tragedy. I know better because I have already experienced tragedy and sorrow. It comes with living here on earth.
Mother Theresa said something like, "I know God will give me no more than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much." I can echo that one. I know that God is pure unadulterated love, and will give me no more than I can handle. So I pray for grace to get through what he puts in front of me. I pray for peace, that I can trust my life to one who is infinitely wise and loving. And I pray for faith, that I would have a greater understanding of the character of God.
I am not going to lie and sai that it is easy to hold onto these things. It is not. Isaac is a treasure to me. I want nothing more than to see him grow and flourish. I want him to be free of seizures, and God willing he will be one day. but God loves him far more than I ever could. I must trust this. I have to. My faith is not built upon a God that said this world would bring much trial and sorrow, but to take heart because he will make things as they should be one day. That is what my faith is built upon. It has held steady so far, and it has also taken quite a beating these past two and a half years. but it is still steady.
Lesson of the day: God is who he says he is, no matter what life does to us.
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