God's Inaudible Voice

It has been a week that has taught me much about the state of my soul. I worry. I have been reading a book by Richard Rohr, Jesus' Plan for a New World, and it has been kicking my butt! He says:

"You can formally be a Christian...and go through all the rites of services. but if the grace of God hasn't moved into the conscious and unconscious levels and really touched you...you can keep the divine formulas in your head and have no real awareness of the divine. That's the malaise of Western Christianity today. People keep up the external observances of reliance upon God; underneath they depend only upon themselves...There is no active trust in the presence of the reality of God, or that God makes any difference."

I am finding out that I have been worrying about my house. So as I am reading this book God has been setting little "tests" in front of me, not for Him to see what I am made of, but to show me what I am made of, and what needs work. I think that is the whole point of crisis in our lives, to stir up areas of our subconscious that are not fully surrendered to Him and then let him teach us and change us through them.

He writes again:
"For Jesus, faith is not opposed to not believing in God, it doesn't mean you go to church, or that you're into religion or that you say "Lord, Lord!" (see Matthew 7:21). Faith for Jesus is the opposite of anxiety. If you're anxious, if you;re trying to control everything, if you are worried about many things, you don't have faith, according to Jesus. You do not trust that God is good and on your side. You're trying to do it all yourself, lift yourself up by your own bootstraps."

Again, I have been trying to control too much, and the end result has been anxiety. Let me give you a rundown of my week:

Day One: Insurance dude rejects the wood stove project, I freak out. have to make some tweaks.

Day Two: high winds hit the house, wood stove chimney fails I freak out. Gary Groom comes to the rescue.

Day Three: Calm.

Day Four: Saturday Service happens: I am taking them through the Prayer of Examen: will it work or totally fall apart? Sermon comes together, prayer works great.

Day Four: High winds hit again, chimney is tested, and passes BUT the Well pump stops working at 9pm, call Rob, call Well service. Be out in the morning. No water.

Day five: Well dude comes out, looks at the well and says, "you're pipes are frozen, turn on the furnace down here and thaw it out, that'll be $80.00." Attempt to turn on furnace, feels more like central air, call furnace guy, furnace guys shows up and says, "you're condensation drain is frozen, he fixes it, that'll be $147.00. In the end the water and furnace are working again. But my "well planned out" budget is tossed out the window.

Each step I see how God worked things out and built up my faith in the process, he also showed me areas that I have weak faith in. I am addressing them. And today as I went through the well and furnace ordeal, I kept reminding myself of how God came through all the other times this week.

I didn't freak out. I could have. I would have had I not been aware of what God was up to in my soul. I have been trying to live more with an awareness of what God is trying to say through circumstances, his inaudible voice: "You are not trusting me here. Let me show you how I can come through for you." This means that I have to go through circumstances where I need God to come through for me, and then not have so much anxiety during the process.

Off to the hardware to buy some heat tape for the water pipes. I will try to be more aware of God's inaudible voice.